i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
