i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
