she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
