what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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