This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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