My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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