exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
