You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
