I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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