I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
True strength comes from lack of pants
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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