I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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