it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
