I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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