Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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