Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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