I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
