i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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