I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
