i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Four minutes until I can fart!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Found your dick twin last night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
