is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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