I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
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