I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
cat food counts as protein by the way
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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