Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I lost the right to judge tonight
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
