I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
