The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
