There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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