It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
