theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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