it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
