And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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