First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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