I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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