Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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