I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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