he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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