I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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