i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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