I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
