you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
