i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
