god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
