Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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