it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
