I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
