what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Blood and glitter go together right?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
