cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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