look no pants
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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