don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
