good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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