I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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