as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
nutella sex= disaster
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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