Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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