i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I booty called her while she was in labor.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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