All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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