there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
