Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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