Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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