Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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