How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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