So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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