Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize
