Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
