just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize