I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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