Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i already hear my dad disowning me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize