I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Send help, water and tortillas.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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