Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
