I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
