for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
